Pete's Log: Log Entry 368

Entry #368, (Life in General)
(posted when I was 21 years old.)
iron chef ends, pete finds himself lacking in entertainment, arun saves the day with this piece of literary excellence that i shall now help him spread:

Inspired by the heros from the 'X-men' and wanting to make my life and the lives of my "friends" sound more exciting, I did some research and have written up short biographies of some of my friends and aquaintances.

Perkindifrawl "Perk" Hennessy

After his daring escape from a white slave ring in 1976, Perk has burst onto the local EE scene. His exact date and place of birth are unknown, but radio carbon dating seems to indicate he sprung to life somewhere in the Yellow River of china sometime in the 3rd century. Preliminary attempts to pin down the exact date buy cutting him open and counting the rings have met with strong resistance from animal rights activists.

As the 20th Century draws to a close it is widely accepted that only one person can save us all from our own petty vices: Perk. Combining the wisdom of Buddha with the coffehouse charm of a young, blond, Stalin, Perk has demonstrated time and time again that he knows which side the cookie crumbles on.

Special Mutant powers:
- Immune to "your mamma" jokes
- Electric Kneecap


Anne "Laser Girl" Burns

Born in the year 2036 in the new Lunar Colony, Anne's immediate family (except her siblings, parents, and pet cobra "fluffy") were killed in a tragic accident at the zero-gravity marshmello plant. Since this fateful day, she has sworn revenge on the snack food industry and has in recent years begun a rain of terror on marshmello consumers and producers alike.

Though hailed as a savior by most of humanity and dentists everywhere, Anne has been the target of criticism levied by several parents organizations for the hard-drinking, hard-smoking, hard-hitting lifestyle she leads. Recent studies has linked her with increases in teen smoking, geriatric violence, and falling resale values of Menudo CDs and cassette tapes.

Special Mutant powers:
- Ability to light tobacco products with her mind
- Bionic ear lobe

George "Minister of Defense" Viamontes

The end project of years of genetic manipulation and cybernetic enhancements George (codename GV-31415) as activated in a secret government lab buried deep within the foothills of Ohio on July 4th, 1972. Created too late to turn the tide in the government's secret war against the Grey Aliens, he was turned loose upon a society with only the simple command "go forth, and multiply"

Special Mutant power:
- Laser Spleen
- Iron Molars

Pete "Zampolit" Rijks

The cold wastelands of Russia have produced two things of worth - Coal and Peter (Piotr native Russian) Rijks (Rijks in his native Russian). An initially promising career in the Soviet Navy (missile submarine division) was cut short due to "extreme buoyancy problems." This lead to his doubt and eventual disgust with the entire Soviet Political scheme.

Imprisoned as a dissident in the now famous Gulag, Peter used his time wisely, gathering his forces around him and honing his special form of Kung-fu (a mix of traditional Chinese techniques and Belgian Cooking). When the Soviet regime eventually collapsed Pete was perfectly poised to become the most powerful man in the Russian Mafia. From here he used is vast knowledge of Japanese culture to become the most feared of Yakuza bosses.

Special Mutant Powers:
- Enhanced Stuble
- Armored armpit (right side only)

The Skirt (aka Lisa)

The exact details of The Skirt's origin are a secret which will die with her and her along (and Gary Coleman, but that's another story). Suffice to say, the next time mothra attacks Tokoyo we will all be looking to Lisa for guidance and protection.

Her present whereabouts unknown, Lisa was last seen in the New York Area, hoarding soft coal in a soho apartment complex and climbing the corporate ladder.

A bold crusader for the poor and impoverished, Lisa has sworn conserve fabric by keeping no more than 40% of her body clothed at all times.

Special Mutant Powers:
- Gyroscopicly controled ankles
- Titanium Toothpick

Chris "C-dawg" Sanabria

A rugged cowboy from the old school, C-dog was born and raised on the ranch. He was breaking broncos and shooting bullseyes well before he could walk, and in still the only living man to win the coveted "Silver belt buckle" for actions above and beyond the call of a Rodeo clown.

After losing his hit HBO series "Dawg's Haus" due to network politics, Chris turned to religion, starting his own cult. Though he has as many as 1400 followers in 3 time zones, the popularity of the cult began to wane as c-dawg began to lose interest in religion as a means to fill the existential void and began to turn to a variety of drugs such as PHP, TI-85, and FFTs.

Hitting rock bottom in the late 80s, and ruined by the collapse of the Soy and pork belly market, C-dog chose to reinvent himself by embarking on a bold new career - Pimpin'. Aw yeah....

Special Mutant Powers:
- Bat smell
- Ability to communicate with cows

Brian "Bri" Barrett

Born Brian Barthomew Zipnord, Brian was worshiped as a God in his native Africa. He is both blessed and cursed by his telepathic ability. Blessed due to his ability to read minds and thus exhibit amazing empathy and outwit his foes, and cursed because he hangs around Arun who is usually thinking REALLY disturbing thoughts almost all the time. It is for this reason that Brian is often seen with a look of utter disgust on his face.

In the late 80s Brian founded the cable channel USA networks as a medium to showcase his hit TV series "Wings" which presently shows 24/7 on the network. Presenly, Brian devots most of his time to ensuring communism will never surface north of the 42nd parallel and making sure that the Mason-Dixon line remains strong. Brian's greatest stress is that he must live the dual life of a millionare playboy and mild-mannered bank teller.

Special Mutant Powers:
- Turnip Detection
- Suprisingly fast eyebrow twitch

Arun "Fritz" Rodrigues

Born in the Lower Danube river basin, RNR was wisly abandoned by his parents at birth. Sadly, he was found and raised by a roving band of dung beetles who taught him to play his first instrument: an electric kazoo. In the mid 1940s, a chance meeting with Tito lead to his joining the Partisan Movement and rapidly rising through its ranks. Later however, he became disillusioned by the image of a socialist utopia and began to embark upon the noble mission which is still his guiding light: To make tons of money and meet women from good gene pools. He presently resides in an isolated shanty town just outside of the Notre Dame Campus where he is presently majoring in Geek Studies with a possible minor in "fireman".

Special Mutant powers:
- Ability to shake exactly 2 aspirin out of a bottle
- retractable adamantium toothbrush shoots out of his elbow