Pete's Log: life is good (break in review)
Entry #777, (Life in General)(posted when I was 22 years old.)
I think the best way to sum up the last few weeks of last semester is that I'm embarassed by my behavior. And beyond that, it's over. Break has come and gone, and it's been a good one. Life is good. Over break I managed to find an inner calm, a sense of balance, like I've not felt in at least a long time, if ever. I think it's at least partly due to the purchase of K2. For the first time ever, really, I feel something resembling freedom. Over break I decided to go places, and went. To be able to do so was an amazing feeling. I'm already planning road trips for this semester and next summer.
So let's summarize: I bought a car, put 3200 miles on it. Visited several fun places. Skied. Snowmobiled. Enjoyed good food and drink. Successfully hunted down a tree in the wild. Did much more fun stuff, I'm sure.
I think life immediately took a turn for the better when I just got out of Indiana. But I think an important part of what's allowed me to find balance is that I think I've started listening to God again. (no worries, though, I'm still far from being a conservative christian sort... those scare me...) I also found my faith in humanity restored over break. I've become much more openminded again, and much more patient. I'm laughing and smiling more. Life is good. On the other hand, I'm finding myself losing some of my convictions. I don't think I'm Libertarian anymore, really. I think I'm moving closer to the center of the spectrum, but mainly in that I'm picking up an attitude of the "I don't know the answers" sort... but I think I'll continue to vote libertarian, at least for the time being. I'm happy with this though. I don't want to find myself ever locked into a belief system too strongly to realize its faults.
I owe a great debt of gratitude to many people. So much fun has been had over break, and so many people have done so much for me to make that possible. I am infinitely grateful to my family: Oma & Papa for allowing me to visit them in Albuquerque on such short notice. The Sissons and the Trifones for allowing me to join them for a night in Red River. The Rozmans for all the fun we had at their place over break, and Donna for allowing me to stay with her in manhattan. My immediate family for their love, support, and presence ... it was a great joy to spend time with them again. Thanks to Mom and Dad for sponsoring my ski rentals so I could ski in CB. Heaps of thanks are also due to Tony and his family for allowing me a fun excursion to Breckenridge. Thanks also to all the hitchhikers I picked up along the way for sharing the journey with me, especially Rich, he was cool and had good general advice for life. Thanks to Brian and Anne for coming out to CB, it was tons o' fun to hang out with them and ski with them. Thanks to Perk for housing me during my eastward treck and for joining me for a fun trip. Thanks to all the liftops for their trivia. Thanks to everyone who smiled at me. Thanks to everyone else, too. I've surely forgotten many. And thanks to God, for showing me the way again, and thanks to Fr Jim for reminding me how to listen.
So over break I've put a lot of thought into the future, short term and long term. This is the first time, I think, that I have new years resolutions. And that's just coincidence that new years just happened. I have strong intentions of doing much more running. Running is good for me. It relieves stress like you wouldn't believe. And being in shape is a good thing. I want to try to speed up my metabolism. To do so I'm gonna try to eat a good breakfast every morning, drink at least 80 ounces of water per day, and, of course, work out regularly. And (hahahaha) try to get regular sleep. I also intend to cut back on alcohol. Just for health reasons, ya know? I'm gonna try to switch over to coffee as my primary source of caffeine... less sugar, and cheaper. I want to quit eating when I'm not hungry (as much fun as that is: true luxury is when you eat not from necessity but just because you can. It's an obscenity, really.). I want to start going to mass again, at least semi-regularly. Perhaps I'm simpleminded, but the rituals help calm me, even if I don't quite believe in much of it. I want to quit accepting the status quo... if I see a chance for change, even if its small, I want to go for it and suffer the consequences if necessary. I'm smart enough that I won't do anything stupid. I want to do more coding for fun. I want to get to know my friends better. I want to pick up conversation skills. I know some who say small talk is stupid, and I used to agree, but I think the ability to keep a conversation going, even by talking about nothing, is a good one. I've discovered I enjoy interacting with people after all. It's what life is all about. I want to quit judging people and become less prejudiced. I want to diversify my musical tastes. I want to become known as master of the road trip. I want to damn the torpedoes and go for the glory. I want to maintain a high GPA. I want to start looking for cool jobs in the west (preferably CO). I want visible abs again. I want to fall beneath 160 pounds (and then gain weight back again as I replace fat with muscle). I want to always have a song in my heart and a smile on my lips. I want to maintain this sense of balance and develop it into a true feeling of inner peace. I want to be the most zen driver the road has ever known. I want to be me.